It’s already hard enough that I have a great and loving boyfriend now. I feel so blessed for him to come my way. He entered my world through all broken glasses and torn up hearts. He found his way to get into my little box and shattering that into a million peices. Now I’m free. I’m free from your bullshit. I stopped my helpless tears. And for once, I’m happy. I AM HAPPY AND BEST BELIEVE IT. He treats me like I’m gold. Like I’m a precious stone and he’ll guard me with all his life. He’s there for me always, even when we are miles apart, he keeps me sane. He loves me for all that I am. Always determined to keep me happy. I never thought I could find anyone as great and loving as he is to me. And I love him.

But no matter how good he is to me, it’ll never change the fact that I’ll always love you more.. AND I HATE THAT. I hate how someone who stabbed me with a  knife right into my hopeless heart like his life depended on it, kill me over and over again and let me live just so he could make me suffer. But why. Why do I still love you even though you did this to me. And no matter how many times people tell me or even myself that Matthew is so much better does. not. change. anything. It’s like you have some kind of power over me.. A power that I could never seem to break through from. And it hurts. Ask me this, what is he getting from me. WELL, He’s getting bullshit. And that. Tears me apart the most.  He doesn’t deserve this and it’s not fair. Its not fair how he treats me me better and he gets all the broken peices! He gets all the pain. He gets the leftovers! It’s not fucking fair how you could just enter my life, and take everything away from me, and then leave. Then you find someone else you reuse everything you have said to me. How could you. But you know what, your words made me feel special. Until I found out you said that to everyone else. Youre bullshit, but thats okay. I am so sorry Aaron, I am so fucking sorry. I’m sorry I was never the one you wanted. The one that wasn’t worth running back too. The one who you DIDNT love ‘forever’. You taught me so many things though. To never love you again. To leave you out of my life. So thanks for leaving me for Yvonne and not telling me. Thanks for not answering my ims when I wanted to find some closure. Thank you for not responding to my smiles. Thank you for not wanting to be my friend. Thankyou for treating me like dirt. This is for the best. Ya know, for the both us. You can’t be my friend, cause if you do? Then.. well. You just might fall in love with me all over again. You’re scared. You don’t want to come back to me because you know how much it won’t be the same again. WE won’t be the same again. And you didn’t wanna keep fighting. And there you have it, thats what I truly believe. But hey, I might be wrong, but thats okay too. I’m happy with Matthew, and best believe I am. Hes great, and for now on, I’m gonna give him all of me. All of what he deserves. We all deserve the best in all honesty. Even you. So, right now I just hope you can find someone else that is gonna be worth your precious time. I love you, I really do.. I just cant anymore.

I am fed up. Forgive me, but I am so fucking tired of trying to figure out, what the hell you want. Your complicated? DAMN RIGHT YOUR FUCKING COMPLICATED. SHEESH. I hate how much time I’m wasting, hoping one day we’d be together again. AND ALL THAT CRAP. I hate how I’m still loving you. -_- Things between us, will never be the same. But I KNOW, this will ALWAYS HURT. =/ And this sucks so much, how I fell so hard for you. That MY WHOLE LIFE, revolves around you. Why in the world, do these tears, ALWAYS FALL. Why, that still after fucking months we have broken up, I’M STILL SO IN LOVE WITH YOU, I’m still crying so much for you.

I am done, I am moving on, and thats final. I’m not gonna take this shit anymore. You’ll never come back. No matter how much I know, I think youre the one for me.. For 2010, i’m gonna try to stop believing in that shit.

So, I started reading my old comments =/ & ohh the pain fucking kills me to the bone. We used to be so happy together.. How could this happen between us.. Baby, the pain just keeps on coming.. You told me I will always have a place in your heart.. then why arent I having all of your heart. You say you miss it, but I bet thats just a phase. CAUSE OBVIOUSLY, if you missed it as much as you say, you wouldve left her a long time ago. ECKS. ALLLL of this, is just so hard for me. Its so hard being your friend.. But. I’m dealing with it, only because I love you.

People say you looked happier when you were with me =/ And.. I see it too. I guess. But what the heck. Everything is just so confusing,

I miss it when you used to comment me all the time. =/ Random moments. Even when I got my computer taken away. Our comment wars when we’d write random stuff that used to always put  a smile on my face no matter what. & then when we used to leave long ones at the end that put double smiles. I miss it when you used to always remind me when our anniversary was coming up. It was always cute.. Everytime =/ I miss it how you used to always tell me goodmorning or goodnight and have all these weird names for me.

I MISS BEING WITH YOU, period.. )=

I think, my only regret in our whole relationship, is not spending it to the fullest. All the times, we just sat there, cause we were bored. All the times we ran out of things to say, all of the times i ignored you cause I was mad,all the times we couldve talked on the phone, but I fell asleep or I was just too busy. =/ ALL THE TIMES, WE COULDVE HAD, BUT DIDNT, I REGRET, i regret it because its more memories, we couldve had, but DONT anymore. )= It hurts me, so much. and I just can;t stop, crying anymore. I miss EVERYTHING.

I DONT KNOW WHY, i’m missing so much. Whyd you have to come back in my life? You said youd stay, but why does it feel like you won’t. You always MISS ME FOR THE MOMENT, its NEVER CONSISTENT. EVER. And you can;t keep doing that.. IT KILLS ME. But its my fault for letting you.

Spending time with you on Friday was one of the best times hanging out with you, after we broke up =/ Spending time with you, hurt so bad at the same time though.. Knowing in the back of mind, we’re NOT together anymore. When at some points, it felt like WE were. =/ And then I remembered HER. ): At one point, you looked at me, the way you used to look at me.. Your little smirk on your face. A little grin cause I’m just so weird.. and it hurt, sooo fucking much. Cause you don’t know how the little things you do, makes me miss you even more. The way you held my hand, felt like old times, even though you werent technically holding my hand. You were giving me a long handshake. And what hurt about it is the most, is that. Youre not feeling it the way I am. Thats the reason why I let go quicker and changed the subject.. cause I am not, gonna be the girl that ruins your ” relationship” with someone else. )= Youre killing me aaron, and its like youre not even getting it.

AND PLUS. this whole time we started talking again, you told me you wanted to see me dance. YOU said you wanted to make fun of me and mess me up. YOU constantly told me you would watch me. And at the end, you’re sitting in the back with your girlfriend(yeah, i’ll call her yor girlfriend, might as well get used to it right?) basically cupcaking with her. Getting all touchy feely with her. WITH ME, like roaming around in there. Feeling nervous, or changing, etc. Liek I can;t believe you. AND PLUS. YOU KNOW IT KILLS ME, YOU FUCKING KNOW IT, and it doesn;t even bother you. ONE BIT. =/ Its like you love that I’m hopelessly in love with you, and the fact that you’re talkign to someone else, makes you love doing shit with me around, just so you know. it makes me weak =/ HOW do you have the heart to do this to me. CONSTANTLY.

Ughs, IThere are days when I sit in my room and cry, wondering how the hell did I fall for all your lies. Well, I think I know why. You made me believe there was such words as forever. But really, your love for me?That was light like a feather. Cause if you really loved me, as much as you say, things wouldnt have ended this way. You lied so fucking well, there was no one who could tell. Youre a lying, cheating, heartless fool. CONGRATULATIONS, youre on the pedestal. I called you my soulmate, my other half, the love of my life. Now when I hear those words, i feel like I wanna die tonight. And yet, I’m still here, always in need of having you near. I was the best so far, but youre the star. Cause the best lie goes to you, har-har-har. Its funny how I still believe it should be me thats yours, after you played me like a man-whore. Because how does a person like me still stay, after she has been treated this way? A girl like me, can love so unconditionally. But there should be a limit, cause this part of my life? It’s only a snippet. But still, after everything we been though, I can’t believe you still think I ain;t the one for you, seems like everything about us was never true. Or maybe, you just got no clue. How true, someone can be to you. And even though youre talking to someone new, i still want me to be with you. I’ve been with you for awhile to know she ain;t your type of style. But forgive me if I’m wrong, but I know me and you.. belong. =/ missss you. Yesterday going valleyfair with you and mikey. Just made me miss the old times even more. =/ It felt so real, it felt as if we were together again, but before i knew it, I realized.. we aren;t together anymore. WE’RE FRIENDS. Even though I wish so much we can be something so much more .. =/

even though youre gone and moved-on, I can;t seem to stop loving you. And even though, im sorta talking to someone else, makes me feel so guilty. But the thing is, I thought I was over you. I thought I was alll good. But ugh, somehow, i always get led back to you. Is it destiny? Fate? Or maybe, i just keep glimpsing, taking second and third looks, a blast from the past, only to make me miss you, killing myself even more. =/ I hate this. Alot. And these tears, they’re stillll here. The reason why i kept crying today, because whenever I hear about THEYRE relationship, it reminds me, so much of us.. And it hurts. To the deepest part of my heart. Cause no matter what, I knew we couldve made it. I knew it =/ And this song, is the song. That makes me cry, the most. Cause I know. This is exactly, how I feeel =/ I misss you. )= Oh geeze.

Wont Even Start

What happened
after last summer
when we broke up
in September

I havent seen you
Feels like a long time
Sometimes it still hurts
But I always get by

I still got a piece of you under my skin
Its always there no matter where Ive been

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

I wish you luck
And I wish it true
Thats the best
I can do for you

Cuz youll probably find love
In someone new
I have to let go
Yeah its hard to do

So if I run into you with your arm by his side
Just know itll cut me like a knife

So if I ever see you on the street
Ill pretend that I didnt see
And turn my face
No use in small talk anyways

Because if I look into your eyes
Then Ill have to say goodbye
And thatll break my heart
So I wont even start
I wont even start

Ill be ok, Ill be ok
Or thats what Ill say